A Storm of Swords Entry 5

Sorry I missed yesterday! I did not have a chance to Blog :'(. So tons of stuff for today. I'll do by Character, cause it's easier.

Jon: Two chapters. In the first one, they're camped out by these caves right near the Wall preparing to go over on a mission. Jon "forces" himself to sleep with Ygritte to prove to them all that he isn't a spy. Shocker but he enjoys it and half the chapter is Jon and Ygritte going at it like Rabbits. Sad scene at some point where Jon goes to Ghost and tells him he cannot take him with because they are going to climb the wall and that he has to go to the Shadow Tower. I hope Ghost understands!!! Can't he just like strap Ghost to his back and climb!? Don't leave Ghost behind!!! A Stark (or Snow?) should not be without his direwolf!!!! Then more more Jon/Ygritte quality time in the cave. Ygritte is all experienced and telling Jon how he knows nothing and then Jon goes down on her...and she's all like silent and "No one has ever..." I have to be honest I find it awkward to read these parts on the subway. It was like when I read American Psycho on the subway. I kept on like looking around and seeing if people were looking at me...
CB Note: And here I thought they were going at it like direwolves. *Zing! Soooooooooo sad that Jon had to send Ghost away!!! I hate when any character is without his or her wolf. Lol to the porny chapter during your subway trip. Btw, nowadays I frequently say the phrase: "You know nothing, Justin Nash."
JN Note: while i see how reading these chapters on the subway can be awkward, i, like GRRM, fail to see how it cna be ok for charactesr to have their faces melted, but not ok for a lil lovin'! great zinger babe! and, its true, i know nothing, and she tells me all the time!!! as for Jon and Ygritte, she's a redhead, and hte carpet matches the curtains, so who can blame him!
RK Note: LOL to "You know nothing, Justin Nash." A Stark should never be without his direwolf, BAD THINGS happen anytime a Stark is without their direwolf, Arya would be in WAYYY better shape if she'd been with Nymeria all this time.

Dany: Really cool chapter here. She goes to purchase all the Unsullied even the ones who aren't' trained yet. The slave traders are hesitant to give her the untrained one but then....she sells them one of the dragons (Drogo) for all of them. I honestly at this point was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So they give her that slave girl who translates as part of the bargain and funny moment when the slave girl realizes that Dany actually could understand Valyrian (sp?) We also learn that "valar morghulis" means "all men must die." Sooooo appropriate for Arya's prayers!!! So then Dany goes to make the exchange. She sort of half hands over the reins to Drogo who won't go to the slaver guy and she makes the guy say out loud that the Unsullied are hers. Then....all hell breaks loose. Dany tells the Unsullied to attack the traders and she gets Drogo to burn off the trader guys face! Such a gross image here of the guy's eyes melting! This was definitely foreshadowed when Dany asked Jorah why the Dothraki hadn't ever taken the city. Second bell on Dany's braid!!!
CB Note: As J would say, Dany totally pwnzed the shit out of those guys. I had the same reaction about Drogo! She can't sell him! She just cant!!! I loved when Missendei realizes she's talking to Dany in Valyrian and just goes "Oh" haha. Also so cool that she quizzes her on the Unsullied and finds out that if she were to ever sell them, they would have no problem attacking her, should their next leader order them to. Great foreshadowing for the later events of the chapter! I thought it was great and exciting and I totally didn't see it coming. She melted face - literally!
JN Note: one of hte best chapters in book. awesome suspense, action, and Dany badassness. cb totally thought she was gonna sell drogon. so did zero. i, on the other hand, knew better. loved her trixxyness with the languages, and the part where Missandei is like "oh" and dany is like "your name is oh?". the foreshadowing was great as cb said, dany askign the important questions for her own plans. another great part was when she was talkign ot hte troops after she took the whip, in high valyrian, there was like a one liner about one of the slavers, like "so and so turned around all of a sudde nand raelized she was speaking high valyrian" and its like you know hes realizing "oh f we are fuxxed." as for the importance of face melting, the verb "to melt face" is a common verb used in online gaming to denote slaughtering your opponent.
RK Note: DrogoN. Drogo was her husband, the dragon is DrogoN. Anyway I actually DID see this coming-- I KNEW that she would never really give up a dragon and I nutted that she would buy the slaves and then turn the slave army against the slavers and take Drogon back, AND I guessed she would free the slaves because she was so tormented about the slavery aspect, BUT I did not nut that she'd go on a crusade to flee every slave in the world. Who is zero, again? I totally knew she'd never sell Drogon. Dany is crafty enough to always find a way!!!

Sansa: Sigh. She goes to try on her new dress with Cersei there. You gotta know something is up. And as they are done Cersei gives her a maiden cloak to where and Sansa realizes what is going on. They are taking her to marry Tyrion. NOOOOoooo. I suppose as far as Lannisters it could be worse. He is really gross looking but he has been a better person than the others. Sansa ends up going because fighting is not worth it. Joffrey gives her away as King in her father's place. Jack ass. He makes some comment about how he can still have her whenever he wants. I don't think Tyrion would allow this. She should go with Joff and like kill him or something. They have a sad looking wedding feast and then they go up to consummate the marriage. Sansa is like physically revolted by the sight of naked Tyrion. But *shock* Tyrion is the only one in this entire series who will not sleep with a 12 year old! He says they will wait.
CB Note: Poor Sansa. And Poor Tyrion! I was surprised that Tyrion went through with it all, cause he didnt wan't to either really! But I guess he wants to make daddy happy. He's hoping for the best with Sansa since he has been nice to her in the past, but it's hard to Sansa to really equate the fact that he actually ISN'T as bad as the others. All she knows is that she's being forced to marry a hideous Lannister! Was sad when she refused to kneel down so Tyrion could reach her to put the cloak on her. That wasn't nice of her. Joff is a total JACKASS. I hate him!! At least Tyrion spared her from the Bedding process!
JN Note: great note on tyrion being hte only one not to sleep with 12 year olds. im sure this really raises him in lb's and rk's eyes lol. the rest is mostly covered, but its kinda sad sansa hates tyrion so much. he protected her a litlte from joff, but he just cant win. and sansa still aint that smart.
RK Note: INTERESTINGLY, I think Sansa should have slept with Tyrion-- he was being so kind to her and gentle, she should have volunteered and been a little more willing. Now at least Tyrion will PROTECT her from Joffrey, who is the biggest douche ever. We know Tyrion's manhood is fine! It's like Sansa has somehow managed to stay so innocent and vulnerable throughout all this war and terribleness and cruelty, sheltered in the Red Keep while the wars rage, whereas her younger siblings have ALL had to really grow up and become adults, even the little ones like Bran and Arya, who have been on the run and hunted and really faced with war and cruelty and murder, and the worst Sansa has suffered is some cruelty from Joff and of course the loss of Ned and she thinks Bran and Rickon, but ALL the Starks have had to deal with that. I mean all she had to do was marry Tyrion Lannister. She's warm and fed and has a bed to sleep in every single night and fine gowns and silks to wear and no one is raping her or hunting her, and she really has it better off than any of her siblings. Robb is off waging war and battling, Jon is off Beyond the Wall in the freezing cold and the Frostfangs and there's wights and Others and wildlings and who knows what to contend with, Arya is constantly running and being hunted and hungry and dirty and starving and eating worms and witnessing torture and murdering people and dealing with things that an 8/9 year old just should not be and she doesn't even have her wolf with her, and Bran and Rickon saw their home destroyed and are on the run and supposed to be thought dead and then they have to split up so they're not even TOGETHER and Bran is a cripple and can't walk and they have to run and hide constantly and have nowhere to really go that's safe and are trying to go BEYOND the wall.... and pampered little Sansa stark is safe and warm and has a nice bed to sleep in every night, and now she's got a husband to protect her from douchebag Joffrey and some Tyrells to befriend and sew with and the Godswood, and yet she's so miserable and frigid, and she doesn't even know how good she has it! I mean granted Cersei is evil and she's not exactly safe there and is mostly a hostage, but once she's married to Tyrion she could at least be NICER to him and unmask her courtesy and ALLOW herself to find a FRIEND in him and trust someone and develop a bond, and seriously she should just sleep with him, he's her HUSBAND. Dany was her age when she was sold to Khal Drogo and slept with him and came to love him. Sansa is not half the woman Dany is!!!!

Tyrion: Good transition because everyone knows that Tyrion has not consummated the marriage. He is embarrassed but upset that Sansa is still so depressed. Tyrion goes to scope out the damage from the battle as he is now master of coin so he has to fix everything. He then goes secretly to meet with the singer who Shae likes. The dude actually threatens him to tell people about Tyrion and Shae unless Tyrion gets him into the singing contest at Joffrey's wedding. Tyrion says he will but then goes back to Bronn and tells him to kill him. Tyrion is called to his fathers who has a sword of Valyrian steel made for Joffrey and one for Jaime (and none for Tyrion. what a Jackass!!!) He wants to know why Tyrion hasn't consummated the marriage. Tyrion won't talk to him about it. We learn that the Tyrell's have turned down the offer to marry Cersei to the cripple dude. ha! They won't tell her this. Then they have a discussion about how difficult it will be to pay for both the wedding in all its extravagance and the rebuilding of the city.
CB Note: Nothing much to say about this, except I remember HATING Tywin in this chapter. Why does he always have to be so mean to Tyrion?!?
JN Note: the realm needs moneys! they need dwarves' pennies!!!
RK Note: Tywin is the BIGGEST dick and everyone is so mean to poor Tyrion!!! It's tough being master of the coin. I thought it was clever how Tyrion disposed of this singer!!!

Arya: They go to this city where they see these people in cages who are being punished. Arya thinks they may be Stark people so she gives some of them water, which pisses off the townsfolk. The town is run by the Huntsman who is not there at the time. The Huntsman hates the Lannisters. They go to stay at this brothel. Awkward moment between Arya and Gendry when a prostitute tries to pick Gendry up and then Arya is like "I know what a brothel is!" and Gendry blushes. The chapter ends with the Huntsman arriving with a Lannister. People think it may be Jaime but it is someone else who Arya recognizes (presumably from her prayers.)
CB Note: Arya is totally her father's daughter, giving the captives water is a very noble thing to do! Ha, reading the recap of this chapter reminds me of a part you sort of left out. The prostitute that tries to pick up Gendry was talking about how she might be Robert's daughter, since he used to frequent the brothel. Then she tries to get with Gendry, who might be her half-brother!! Good thing he didn't want to!
JN Note: i cant believe we did not get ANY nut attempt at who it is from lb. poor form lb, poor form!!! you cant win what you dont bet! as for that brothel, is it the one where all the girls got their bells rung?
RK Note: Is anyone else rooting for Arya and Gendry to hook up in a few years when Arya is older? I totally nutted it would be the Hound!!! I ALSO thought of that Caryn, about how Gendry and the prostitute could have been half brother and sister!!! Not that the Targaryens and Cersei/Jaime don't do the whole brother/sister incest thing, but ew!! And also when you're a bastard is sure is TOUGH to make sure you don't sleep with a relative!!!

Jaime: The bloody mummers have cut off Jaime's right hand. The plan is I guess to send him part by part to the Lannisters until they pay. It's his sword hand and he is pissed and it is painful. Another chivalrous Jaime part when he saves Brienne from being raped by calling out Sapphires and this reminds Vargo (?) that she is worth money so he stops them from raping her for the "sapphireth." They also like hit him on his stump and he passes out. They get to Harrenhall and Brienne is shocked to hear that the Karstarks are no longer allied with the Starks. But Roose apparently doesn't like the way they are being treated so he gets Jaime treatment and releases Brienne.
CB Note: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JAIME LOST HIS HAND!!!!!!! Wasn't that the worst? I felt so bad for him. Those stupid bloody mummers!!!!!
JN Note: the mummers were cutting off jaime's hand to end last chapter, and lb TOTALLY failed to mention it in that blog lol. as for feeling bad for jaime, i assure you, cb did nto feel bad at all when it happened. i remember her being kind of thrilled. as for lb, i believe this is a "hope" come true, only jaime has lost his hand, and not his you know whatsits, as per a recent blog.
CB Note: Excuse you! I was NOT thrilled about Jaime's hand. I may not have been his biggest fan, but I do not support decapitation in any way!!
RK Note: I was also sad for Jaime when he lost his hand! I'd cheer if Cersei or Tywin lost a hand though. I am glad you do not support decapitation Caryn, but I think what Jaime suffered would be called demanication, which I also do not support... Poor Ned was the one who suffered decapitation, which I concur that I am also against. It's amazing how many times Jaime has saved Brienne from being raped!!!