A Game of Thrones Entry 6

First, a hearty congratulations to our blog founder, JN, for his new assocation with the Carpoooooci clan, where he will be doing plaintiff-side securities litigation. MM, as the soon-to-be securities lit partner, you may in time be adverse to JN. Khal Mellin v. Eddard?
JN Note: Its a contract attorney position for some case. Khal Melon is goin DOWN.
CB Note: Cappuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucci! :)
RK Note: Don't forget my faves, Entwistle!!
JN Note: i haven't met him yet.

I began with Catelyn dragging Tyrion ostensibly to Winterfell. In a brilliant move, she tells everyone at the inn that's where they are going and blindfolds Tyrion. Instead they are dragging him to the Eyrie (sp?) to see Catelyn's sister. Even though this will put off the Lannister/Lancasters, it is a long and arduous trip and they are attacked multiple times, leading a number of Catelyn's volunteers to perish.
JN Note: Who thought catelyn kne whow to be trixxy? CB used to hate her up til this point, but then she started liking her. Eyrie is correct. More on Lysa below.
CB Note: That's not true, I never hated her. I just didn't like her hate-itood versus my love, Jon Snow.
RK Note: I also don't like Catelyn's tude towards Jon Snow, its not Jon's fault he's a bastard. But otherwise generally I do like her. But she may have been hasty and foolish in bringing Tyrion to the Eyrie when Lysa doesn't even want to be involved! And she might be starting a whole war!! Perhaps not the smoothest of moves. But she was brilliantly tricky here. But MAN those ferocious riders on the road to the Eyrie were some SCARY mofos, why on earth were they just looking for battle? I mean good call arming the prisoners to help fight, BUT on the other hand, it DOES seem Tyrion has tricks galore up his sleeve and armed with an axe and a dirk isn't exactly defenseless and in chains. But he did save Catelyn's life, so points for the Imp there.
JN Note: tyrion is supser dangerous and trixxy. i dunno wut id have done!

Meanwhile Arya is chasing cats. I hate cats! I hope she catches them all. Too bad she doesn't have her direwolf. I bet a direwolf would be good at catching cats. The prince and princess mistake her for a boy and try to confront her for being in the castle but she escapes and ends up in the dungeon. She overhears two people talking about how much of a threat Ned is b/c he has the book and the bastard. They are also talkinga bout Dany and how she is pregnant. Of course Arya doesn't quite understand this. I'm guessing the people were the creepy spider Eunich dude and one of his sources. She ends up outside the castle and finds her way back to her father to tell him but he doesn't believe her! Oh Ned! What folly! Arya has no reason to lie or make that up!
JN Note: Direwolfs would own cats. its too bad sansa is a big fat lying stupidhead. Not a bad nut attempt on the Varys guess. But who is the other???? Out of the mouths of babes, Ned! Don't be a fool!
CB Note: Isn't Arya the best? I love how adventurous she is. I can't believe Ned wouldn't believe her!
RK Note: Catching cats! This guy teaching Arya swordsmanship sure has interesting tactics. Standing on one foot, walking blindfolded, catching cats? Anyway Arya was very fearless and bold, but perhaps she is a little foolish, she could get herself into major trouble overhearing stuff she shouldn't and wind up like Bran! LOTS of mysterious passageways at the Red Keep, and that Dragon Room sounds crazy! Anyway who WERE those two people there!!!!!!!!! And how does having the Book and the Bastard lead to answers!?!?!!! I mean it seems like Ned does know how Jon Arryn REALLY died now, but I don't see how the Book or Bastard connect to it-- they must have something to do with WHY Jon Arryn was killed, because we know Jon Arryn had the Book and the Bastard too! So clearly having the Book and the Bastard can lead to being murdered by the Lannisters...
JN Note: Syrio Forel is a professional, he knows just the best way to teach Arya her needlework!! as for the book and the bastard.... time is runnin' out, better nut it soon!!! i am enjoying your thought processes and attempts though. kee pit up!!

Back to Catelyn who reaches the Vale at last. Turns out though that it's another day's hike up to the Eyrie and they will rest there...or will they? Catelyn's crazy sister requests her presence straight away so a bastard girl leads her up the mountain pass. This sounds horrendous! [Turns out in a later chapter that Robert had fathered a baby girl with some woman in the Vale. There is a flashback to Ned talking to the baby's mother. Clearly this is bastard mountain girl (whose name I can't remember obviously). She will have some part to play!] After a long trip, we meet Catelyn's sister who it turns out is a bit craaaaaaaaaazy. Her son is a bit of a weakling (Mellin pre-postal service?) Sister yells at Catelyn for bringing a Lannister to them. Catelyn yells back that she isn't safe just hiding there. Etc. Etc.
JN Note: Her name is Mya Stone. Good catch on that read in the later chapter. It deserves a... Nut. Robert Bastard Count: 2. How much of a weakling? Can we call melon little sweetrobin from now on too? Lysa is nutso! and btw, she should totes be helping out the Starks and Tullys, not hiding in her little castle like a worrywart.
RK Note: I LOVE Mya Stone, and she is BRAVE and fearless, let me tell you, READING about that climb to get up there made me dizzy, and I was paralyzed with fear when they were going across that narrow 3 foot wide passage with a precipitous drop on either side, and Mya got Catelyn across so fearlessly! Man if I went up to that castle, I'd NEVER want to come back down! I'd want to just stay up there forever than make that treacherous climb!!! Anyway I love how bastards in each region have their own names, and Stone is bastard like Snow in the north. Flower is bastard somewhere else-- is the Night of Flowers a bastard too? On an unrelated note, Arielle tried to tell me that if you don't have a Jewish wedding with a rabbi and a ketubah than your children are bastards. Which sounded ludicrous to me but Game of Thrones DOES make it sound very bad to be a bastard. Anyway Robert really spreads his seed around a lot. But he told us that "Cersei guards her cunt like they is gold in there" or something, which, ew, but also, lol. So apparently he needs to get off somehow, and I'm just guessing they don't have condoms in the 7 kingdoms. Anyway Lysa seems shaken and delusional, and terrified, a frightened woman and emotional wreck-- and who can blame her after her husband was murdered! The son sounds like a real wimp but talks about "making him fly" about what to do with the imp. Interesting parallel to how Bran thought he could fly when he was pushed out the window. He couldn't-- bet Tyrrion couldn't either and its a way longer fall down from that mountaintop castle...
CB Note: Flowers is a bastard name for one region, but the Knight of Flowers is Loras Tyrell. The Tyrell sigil is a Yellow Flower, so that's why he's called that, he's not a bastard. I also don't know about that Jewish tradition stuff, so let's all get Ketubahs just in case lol.
JN Note: Kurth of Flowers' entry was lol, especially hte recounting of witty and lewd dialogue. and yes, clearly they are lacking in protection in the 7 kingdoms. although maybe the 7 Gods just dont believe in contraception.... bc obviously its better to have poor bastards... Lysa's son is super lol. he reminds me of a young mm. or a philadelphia eagles fan...

Back to the south where Ned gets in a huge argument with Robert. Robert wants to send someone to kill Dany and her unborn child. Eek. Ned opposes saying it is cowardly and there is no threat. They yell and Ned insults Robert nad gets fired as the Hand (whatev. sounds like an awful job anyway--kinda like a first year associate: all of the work, none of the glory ).
JN Note: I hope nobody kills Dany. That'd suck. She's cool! The Hand rules the kingdom! The problem is that Ned would rather be making snowcastles in Winterfell. Plus, its not like you have to work with Cersei, Joff, and the Kingslayer!
CB Note: I'd go back to Winterfell!!
RK Note: They were much happier all together back at WinterfelL!! It sucks being the Hand of the king!! Also I like how Ned stood up for not murdering an innocent 14 year old girl and her unborn child!! Winterfell was happier before Robert ever came to visit it!!!

[I'm getting a bit forgetful here especially about the order that I read this in...]

Cut to Ned in a brothel with Littlefinger. The brothel is where the previous hand visited. I guess this is where Robert got some chick pregnant? They leave and Ned is accosted by the Kingslayer. They have words over Catelyn's capture of Tyrion and Kingslayer ends up kiling Ned's people. Poor Jory! NOoooooooooooooooo.
JN Note: Quadruple Ohnoes!!! That Kingslayer is such a hothead! Robert's gonna be pissed. Whose side will he take? What will Ned do?! And what will Catelyn do with Tyrion?! mmm, brothels, tho. What'd he find out there?
RK Note: WHAT is the significance of the brothel and what he learned there? THIS I cannot figure out!!! WHAT is so important about these bastards of Robert's?!?!?!!?!?! Also if Ned already had the Book and Bastard and was so close to the truth, why didn't Jaime just kill him when he had the opportunity? SO SAD about Jory...
JN Note; this was a crazy good twist. i couldnt believe what was happening!!! the kingslayer is a huge meanie. somebody should throw poo at him imo. and, WHAT INDEED did ned learn at that brothel?!? tick tock tick tock...

Cut to Dani and Mellin heading to some sacred city to get a prophecy for Dani's child. Khal Mellin has to go up some mountain so he leaves Dani who is going to give Viserys some new clothes and try and make peace (will she ever learn?) He acts like a jack ass as usual and is insulted and tries to hurt Dani when Danie clobbers him on the face with somethign and tells him what's what. Hellssssssssss yeah. Creepy moment then when Dani retires to bed with one of her dragon eggs and has a little conversation with her unborn child about how it is the dragon. Creeeeeeeeepy.
JN Note: Vaes Dothrak i think is the city. Go Dany! Woohoo!!!! awwww, i dont see how its different from cb and i cuddling Hamlet, or rk going to bed with penguin dave...
CB Note: It's a bit creepier than that, I'd say.
RK Note: LOL to me going to bed with penguin dave. Dany's dragon eggs are awesome and I think they have powers!!! Anyway Dany needs to learn Viserys is a total dbag and needs to be killed or at least permanently unhorsed, I was so glad she whacked him with the belt and put him in his place, but now she's made an enemy of him and he has threatened that she will rue the day!! Also what about those sworn bloodriders of the Khal? CRAZY shit that they die when he dies!! And used to share wives! It sounds like instead Drogo's bloodriders are sharing Dany's handmaids, it seems like the mean one is having rough sex Dothraki-style with Doreah or one of the other handmaids.
JN Note: i totally forgot about this penguin dave reference, but its kinda funny you finally made it here. GJ! and viserys deserved it. you wanna talk about waking dragons, well dont wake danys!!! as for dragon eggs... i have a roudn egg-shaped rock i want to sell the Kurth of Flowers. re open air wedding group sexxoring - ow ow ow ai ai ai!

Too tired to think of any further nuts...
RK NOTES: I need to address some things that Lawrence did not mention. First of all, how the guy in the tourney who shouldn't have been there with the crescent moons on his cape was killed INTENTIONALLY by Gregor, and how he was the SQUIRE who had knowledge about Jon Arryn's death, and Gregor killed him on purpose even though the tourney lances are wood and are supposed to snap on impact and not kill anyone, but Gregor totally intentionally killed him and it turned out he was the squire before Ned could question him. Secondly, how we got info about Jon Arryn being poisoned by the Tears of Lys, and the SQUIRE WHO WAS KILLED BY GREGOR BEING THE LIKELY ONE WHO BROUGHT THE POISON AND KILLED JON ARRYN. CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also, what is up with Littlefinger, because I half believe Tyrion its a lie that Littlefinger's dagger was won by the Imp in the bet, because I believe the Imp that he'd never bet against his family!!! And so why did Littlefinger lie, and how did Littlefinger's dagger come to be used to try to kill Bran and Catelyn????????????????????
CB Note: All good questions!!
JN Note: nice job pickign up on taht squire thing. who put him up to it! did he really do it?! as for The Imp and The Littlefinger - who can we trust?!?!?!